I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
