I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
