Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
