every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
