Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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