I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
