oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
