i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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