I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
