I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Can I color on your dick again?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So vagazzling was a success
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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