Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
