She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize