I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
