honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize