Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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