I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
