I'd wear matching sweaters with you
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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