He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
