i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
