Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
