if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
