tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
