I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
