She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
