Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
tell me about the fingering
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
