Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize