i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
