I wish I could punch you in the face.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
