hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
