Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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