i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
