after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She told me I should be a condom model.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
