Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
