We won't sleep together?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
