Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
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