I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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