Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
