so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
