she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
