I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize