i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
