where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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