You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
