Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
