I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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