I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
