let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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