$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
