Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
