Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
