we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
