I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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