she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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