Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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