My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
