If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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