so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize