just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
