Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
