i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
