I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
