what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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