I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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