Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The Olympian is in my bed
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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