I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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