Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
