i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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