Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
