Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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