I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
