Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize