im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Let's paint friendship bongs
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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