Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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