all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
