When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
