I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
