oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
